The Second Life Tourist

Thursday, 15 November 2018

Is there life after?

      So today i was cleaning up the house in real life, and to me there is only one way to clean the house, with the music turned up as loud as possible.  I was letting my MP3 player shuffle through a huge list of songs while i danced around the living room with the vacuum when a song came on that i hadn't heard in a very long time.  Cher's Believe.  I didn't think much of it at first, instead I sang the lyrics loudly and danced with the vacuum till my son came out and begged me to stop!

"Do you believe in life after love?  I can feel something inside me say, i really don't think your strong enough."

    It wasn't till after when i sat down in my clean house that these words kept going through my mind.  Do you believe in life after love?  These words quickly presented them self into another question, Can love exist without trust?  and from there formed the question Can a relationship survive once trust is lost?

     So i'm a smart woman, but i find intelligence has a tendency to go straight out the window when it comes to emotion.  Not trusting my brain to give me a reliable answer when it so desperately wants to listen to my heart, i decided to let a couple of reliable sources weigh in.

    The first think i learned from the physiology sites i visited was this: If love is a house, then trust is its foundation, it stabilizes the whole structure and without it, the house may stand, it may look beautiful, but it won't last for long, one strong wind will send the whole building crumbling to the ground.  In other words, a relationship without trust is unsafe not only for the relationship but for your own mental health as well.

"Trust goes hand in hand with commitment: It’s only after you feel you can trust someone are you able to truly commit to that person."

      One of the things i did learn is that a good deal of this comes from poor communication and unpredictability.  Because with a lack of trust you become become uncertain of your partners motives or what they are thinking, you begin to have trouble opening up and talking to each other, or simply don't want to talk about the situation at all.  Sadly it is not possible to work through the issue creating the distrust if you can't believe what your partner is saying to you.  Sadly its not possible to talk through a problem when you don't believe what your partner is saying and impossible to get past a problem when you don't discuss it.

     "Partners who don’t trust can’t feel secure, so their relationship will cycle through frequent emotional highs and lows. That happens because a mistrusting partner spends much of their time scrutinizing their relationship and trying to understand their partner’s motives."

   Basically when the un trusting partner sees things going good the relationship is in a positive, but the moment something happens your back into the negative and right back to where you started from.

"Someone who’s married to a low-trust person will find their relationship to be exasperating. They might feel constant pressure to make sure they come across as honest and trustworthy. Such scrutiny can mean they have to spend more effort than should be necessary justifying themselves. They might also think there’s a “Kafkaesque” quality to their relationship. They feel punished or criticized for no reason, and yet guilty and helpless to fix a problem that really doesn’t exist."

     So that brings me to the next question, if you find yourself in this type of relationship, be it the one being un trusted or the one unable to trust, is it possible to fix it?

"The hard truth is a relationship without trust cannot flourish long term. It’s extremely difficult to disregard or de-emphasize such a flaw in your partner, because its existence will leave you feeling insecure about your relationship and that in turn makes it hard to feel emotionally connected."

     The sites i looked into all gave the same information, If the transgressions are minor and its a matter of your perception that is causing the distrust, then this can be fixed with time and therapy, other wise staying in this kind of relationship is emotionally draining, physically exhausting, and mentally dangerous.

You can’t truly love without trust. Any relationship that isn’t built with a secure foundation of faith will break.

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